I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
