And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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