i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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