My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize