he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
