I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
