I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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