Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
