I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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