she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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