You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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