i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
