I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
