it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
