We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
