i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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