Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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