i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
