All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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