I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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