VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
