Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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