Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
