I must be too annoying 4 u.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
