i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
