I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
