i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
