I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
