Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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