no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
