Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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