there's paper in my vomit.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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