did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
