Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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