Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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