If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
