Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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