it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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