I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
