that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
