Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
