If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
