I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
