Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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