i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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