wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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