she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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