Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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