So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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