She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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