pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
