I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
