hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
