I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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