oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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