Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
