It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
