I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
