everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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