I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
