I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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