At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
