I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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