Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
