Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked a lego.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
