I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
