someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
