Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
