So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize