shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
