I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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