hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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