The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
