Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
