I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
