but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Randomize
