You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Someone came in the potted fern
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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