Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
