genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
