she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
