So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize