True but thats because hes a fetus.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
