i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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