those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
